im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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