last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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