Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
