My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
