I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
