oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's shark week go big or go home
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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