I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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