margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
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