She is in my trunk
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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