i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
