good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
