Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
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Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
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It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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