Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
