I think I died a long time ago.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Let's get the cat blown out
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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