dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
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