Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
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i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
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I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize