Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
