I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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