haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
