It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards