Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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