he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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