You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i think im in europe. pls send help
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
