I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
