Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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