No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Two words: blizzard sex
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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