I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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