He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
it's like heaven, but drunker
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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