LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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