opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
