well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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