I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
