He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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