I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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