the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
