chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
