I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
