I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
