his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Success! We fucked roommates!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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