She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
