why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
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He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
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Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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