To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
