paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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