dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
