I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
