am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
