dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
