Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
