The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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