I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...