well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
my god I love twenty year old dicks