i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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