its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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