last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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