Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
