sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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